6 European Habits That Will Change Your Life
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I have lived in Europe for 7 years. Today I’m back at home and I’m having some serious reverse culture shock.
Being back home makes me notice all the unique, subtle European habits which I’ve slowly learned & picked up upon which aren’t practiced in America & Canada so much. And today I want to share those with you.
Let’s waste no time and get straight into the habits!
European Habit One: Less concern to prove something
This first habit is something that takes years to pick up upon, you wouldn’t notice this if you simply did a European vacation for a couple weeks. It’s deeply ingrained in the culture and is one of the starkest differences which makes Europeans distinct from their cousins across the pond.
It’s the lack of concern to prove something.
The topics and situations I’ve noticed this lack of concern to prove something has been mostly in relation to…
masculinity
fitness
national identity
and political party affiliation.
I have noticed that men in Europe don’t feel such a need to prove their masculinity. According to YouGov, 40% of German men always sit while they pee!
Now American men seem to take a sense of pride in standing while they pee, they wouldn’t want to sit while they pee, because that is considered feminine, and not masculine.
Whereas for Europeans who don’t concern themselves with proving something think that your urinating position is irrelevant to your masculinity!
A German man I was speaking to said nonchalantly
“Men aren’t more masculine because they stand.”
German men will tell you they do what’s practical, sitting is cleaner and there’s less spray. So they sit and don’t concern themselves with what this says about how much of a man they are.
When it comes to fitness and looks, I’ve also noticed this same nothing-to-prove theme.
There are plenty of fit men in Europe, but they're fit in a different way from Americans.
There’s much less of an attempt to look like a superhero with giant biceps and an overly juiced-up vibe, and much more of an overall healthy fitness look is the aspiration.
So the fit guys in America look a lot bigger and bulkier, whereas the European men without the need to prove something are just fit, toned, healthy, and a little more natural looking.
They’re again not going for the biggest biceps to prove their masculinity, they’re just fit because they do sports or are healthy because they think that’s important, they’re not proving how much of a man they are by having calves the size of a small child!
Now this nothing to prove mentality doesn’t just relate to masculinity and fitness, it also shows itself significantly when it comes to national pride and political party affiliation.
In America, there’s a lot of national pride, Americans will shout from the rooftops about how America is the greatest country in the world, and citizens will boast loudly when their chosen political party wins an election.
There’s a real pride in America, people love to state who they are and what they believe in.
The Europeans might hold similarly strong views on something, but they’re quieter about it, without the need to prove that they’re Belgian or French or Swedish, or state they’re the winner when their party wins an election.
Which I think is a factor in why there’s less political division.
Granted, also the multitude of parties I think also plays a role, so it’s not just down to the something-to-prove trend, but I do think it’s an important factor.
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European Habit Number two: Subtlety
Now this is the one I’ve been most conflicted by personally. Let me explain it and why I think both the American way & European ways have virtues. This is most clearly demonstrated by the difference in showing wealth in the two continents.
We all know the American wealthy, it dominates culture, think of stars like Paris Hilton, rappers wearing diamond-encrusted grills, Jeff Bezos with his superyacht, The Real Housewives, Selling Sunset, etc.
The houses are massive, the cars are massive, the diamond engagement rings are massive.
Americans make it and they show it, they say it, and they don’t make their success a secret.
This desire to show it is obviously greatly influenced by the American dream, and showing they’ve achieved it, which I’ve got to give it to the Americans, the American dream greatly influences people’s entrepreneurial spirit and risk-taking preferences and this has done American extremely well and is something the Europeans could do well to learn.
Now NOT all the American wealthy are over the top with their displays of wealth, the Waltons, Kochs, and Warren Buffet, they don’t do this, but I think it’s safe to say that on average this “make it and show-it” method is a lot more prevalent in American than in Europe.
In Europe there’s a lot more shyness around wealth and success - especially in the UK and even in some countries like Germany and also in Europe overall, a general feeling that its crass to do such a thing, and therefore holds people back from sharing their successes.
One summer my German husband and I were back home in Canada and as he walked down the street he kept noticing these top-of-the-line Mercedes cars that he’d never seen in Germany before, even though Mercedes is a German company and the cars are much more common there.
But the ones in America aren’t the ones the Germans own, I know nothing about cars, but he was telling me that the engines in these Mercedes’s on the road were the biggest, and the ones with the most powerful engines, the ones he had never seen on German roads before.
To which of course one would wonder
“there’s no autobahn in America, there’s a speed limit, why would you buy the biggest engine?”
to which of course the answer is,
Americans aren’t buying these top-of-the-line Mercedes for the speed, they’re buying it for the statement!
Now let’s not let the Europeans off the hook here, they definitely did this exact same thing historically.
I mean look at the castles & manors, look at Versailles, it couldn’t be more over the top and showy.
Look at the fashion in the Renaissance and Early Modern periods.
The European wealthy were totally showing wealth in the exact same way a few hundred years ago. These days though the Europeans have chosen a new path, the one of subtlety.
They’re often still making that same statement, but in a very different way.
Europeans show their wealth through the way they speak, in some countries, the accent says it all, the way they behave, the way they treat others and their manners and etiquette.
Some in Europe however have taken it so far, they purposely don't show it at all, in order to show it (kinda conversely!!)
Some of the German and English aristocracy are known for dressing down, rocking plastic bags as handbags, and driving the most beat up, ancient VW cars you can find.
Granted, this is still a method of showing off, just in a very different way. If you speak the Queen’s English, but you’re from Scotland and drive a beat-down car, that’s a statement too!
European Habit number three: raising children guilt-free
In Europe, children do not take precedence over everything else in a family.
I read a fascinating book called Bringing up Bebe* which is about anAmerican mother who had her children while living in France and she noted the cultural differences in how the French raise their children to her friends and family back home in the US.
She noted that helicopter parenting, and sleepless nights for a year and "childrens food" is not the done thing in France.
You’re highly unlikely to find children’s menus at restaurants, but one normal menu.
In America, if the parent is scrolling their phone when their child is on the playground, they might be judged for ignoring their child. Whereas French parents think it’s good for children to learn to be independent and solve those playground problems like “Johnny stole my ball” themselves, so the helicopter parent is a lot less likely to be found in France, which of course makes parenting easier if it’s not a 24/7 job!
French parents don’t feel the same guilt for reading a book or doing work on the phone while the child plays on the playground because there’s no expectation of them to hover constantly.
This also reminds me of a parent I met in Germany who decided that her happiness & marriage was going take precedence over her 6-month-old baby after a couple of years of putting the kids first constantly.
After 6 months she was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and really just in need of a vacation and some time off from her children.
Her mother offered to take the kids for a week so her and her husband could take a trip to Italy.
She had breastfed her first child for a full year and had assumed she would do the same for the second child.
But she decided to prioritize her own need to be a happy mother and feel like herself again and connect with her husband over trying to breastfeed baby number two for a full year.
So she stopped at 6 months and decided to take the trip to Italy.
Now this person who I met was much older, so this was years ago before the whole freeze breastmilk option was an option. But I think it's a good example of how children are seen as part of a family and not the only person who gets taken into consideration in a decision in a family, and the difference in the level of guilt American parents feel that their child’s needs don’t get priority in every decision.
I look at friends parenting back home and see just how much pressure there is to always put their child first, and I think it's leading to anxiety and unbelievable amounts of stress and guilt in parents so it’s been very eye-opening to see this European parenting habit.
European Habit number four: Wine at Lunchtime
This is one of the stereotypes we think of when we think of Europeans. It’s what they’re known for, but I think Americans don’t always fully understand why exactly the Europeans do this. I’m talking about wine at lunch!
You might initially just think, well they have great wine in Europe, so that’s why they drink it mid-day!
But that’s not the case.
There’s a much deeper, more meaningful reason why they do this religiously.
Europeans value enjoyment and making experiences enjoyable and savoring the moment.
They drink wine at lunch for the enjoyment of the taste. Not to get drunk or because they’re so stressed out they just need to hit the bottle mid-day.
They drink wine with lunch because it pairs well with pasta and because they believe life should be celebrated and enjoyed, especially the little moments like a great meal with wine.
That's why Europeans drink mid-day, and I think this is an incredible habit and I'm here for a glass of red at 1 PM, enjoyed over a two-hour lunch date with a friend.
European habit number five: The desire for beauty
This habit is the reason Europe is known for being beautiful. From architecture to the people to style & fashion, this habit is much more deeply ingrained than just a superficial desire for beauty. Aesthetics are important to Europeans, it’s deeply valued.
When you visit Europe you’ll see this, from the elegant lamp posts on the road, to the flowers planted on the sides of busy roads, to the buildings they build, to the languages they speak.
French was intentionally designed to be beautiful, it wasn't an accident.
One of the most common ways we notice this valuing of esthetics is in the way Europeans dress, not all people, but more people on average in Europe pay attention to the esthetic of their look than we do in America.
That's not to say Europeans go out in ballgowns or dripping in designer apparel and accessories, the young ones dress young and trendily.
The point is the young Europeans made a conscious decision about "these white sneakers with these jeans look good, and putting effort into esthetics is important, therefore I'll wear it and not the sweats & hoodie."
When I lived back home, I'd make an effort to look cute when I went out with friends, the rest of the time however I was schlepping around in whatever fell out of my closet that day.
In university I went out maybe 2 nights a week, so that's how often I put effort into my appearance.
In Europe they put effort into their appearance, most of the time, so on a much more frequent basis than the two nights a week I used to.
This of course depends on the exact location and the amount to which each individual person values this, as well as wealth definitely plays a part here. But I think it's safe to say that generally I've noticed, Europeans dress well more often.
To the point that when I come home and wear what I was sporting around London all year, I'll come down to breakfast in my dress and heeled boots, with makeup and jewelry on and my sister will ask what event I'm going to that day, and when I say I'm working from home she laughs as that’s not something most Americans would ever consider wearing for such a non-occasion.
Don’t get me wrong though, there are downsides to this European habit.
You can feel uncomfortable going out if you haven’t put the effort in when everyone else did, so you might say no to an event if you really can’t bring yourself to get put together that day.
I do definitely enjoy the more relaxed attitude back home and I can also enjoy sporting tights and a hoodie like everyone else, and enjoying the ease of that lifestyle, but I also really have fun with getting dressed up and putting together an outfit that looks great and which I feel great in when I’m in Europe. So I really lean into both when I’m on each continent!
European habit number 6: Vacation!
THIS is the reason nothing gets accomplished in the month of August.
Don’t bother trying to file paperwork, complete a work project with a European or generally doing anything in August.
It’s not happening, because the people are on vacation and they are serious about their vacation time.
They see it as essential to life enjoyment, which as we know from lunchtime wine, has a high value, and connecting as a family and appreciating the beauty of their continent.
In America working hard is valued to a level and extreme that it’s not here.
I would equate the value Americans place on hard work to the value Europeans place on enjoying life.
It can definitely be annoying when your tax return is due in August and yet your accountant is on vacation all of August, but it’s something you learn to live with, because you kind of have to!
Now a summary of these habits is all well and good, but what does a real day living in Europe look like?
Watch this video next and join me for a day in my life in London, running my online business. & living some of these European habits!!
